well. as usual my execution is the last to show. and rather Unfashionably late.

Three weeks ago I was, literally, in a car sitting at a four way stop on a trip back from South Carolina.  Metaphorically, I was, again, at a crossroads trying to make a decision about my life.  The shiny new full time job that appeared out of nowhere or to stay where I was, in my hodgepodge collection of projects and jobs.

ive always hated decisions.

For the majority of my early life, I truly thought that I had one great decision to make. That my parents would guide me through school up to the point of my high school graduation, at which point, I would have to make the monumental, life altering, future changing, decision of where to go to college, wrapped around what to do there.  After that I, for some completely irrational reason, believed that the rest of my life would simply fall into place.

Pretty quickly into college, it starting sneaking into my subconscious that things would not turn out that way I had planned.  As new decision after new decision loomed on my horizon I realized that I was going to have to make a new plan.  So, I decided to simply be willing to go, to do my very best to be willing to go where I was sent. For years that has been my mantra, as long as the road signs were clear, I tried to be willing and whether I was or not, I went.  

As I rode, I thought over the places I had been, college, graduate school in Memphis, Africa, and even following the path back home.  At first, I assumed that the shiny and terrifying new was to be my next step, and I steeled myself to again follow and go. This was my pattern, my mantra, be willing and go.

This is why I never saw it coming. Such a subtle difference, I almost mistook for fear.  This time shiny new was being used as a tool, teaching me to be willing to STAY.

Now, instead of allowing my decisions to choose me, I am choosing this decision.  And my hodgepodge collection of projects and jobs has instead become a collection of handpicked passions and strategic occupations.

Moving forward, I hope to use this space to connect the dots on my ever-varying collection of hats. Artist. Creator. Anxious Wanderer. Daughter. Helper. Neurotic Peacemaker. Renovator. Water Purifier. Photographer. Sister. Nanny. Sarcasm Distributor. Secretary. Teacher. Sanity Misplacer. Supporter. 

 

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